The Struggles of an Introvert:  Your Life is Shaped by How People See You

It should come as no secret to you, my fellow introvert, that people’s opinions of you—of the things you do, the things you say, and the things you like—has a very real emotional impact on you. People that showcase a positive response to you almost always become friends (or at least a person we hold in high regard). Those who let slip even slightly negative impressions fall somewhere on a spectrum that spans between Minor Annoyance to Mortal Enemy.

man looking through thick glasses

While many of us learn to devalue other people’s opinions at a surface level and insulate ourselves from harmful negative energy, what we don’t often see is how that negativity insidiously inserts itself into our brains. Even as we tell ourselves that we don’t care what people think, we’re reevaluating ourselves at a deeper level and are much more likely to shield our true selves from people in the future.

But that’s not just a grumpy introvert talking. Science (specifically psychological studies) have shown that the opinions of others are massively important in our lives even if we don’t realize it.

“Humans and animals use the reactions of others to help determine what is valuable: what to eat, what is dangerous, what is attractive, and (for humans) what to wear, what medicine to take, and for whom to vote—to give but a few examples. Each object, from food to parliamentary candidate, has a perceived value, which can be changed through social influence. Consequently, understanding how our values are changed by social influence is of considerable importance. We have shown that, when effective, the opinions of others alter a very basic mechanism of the human brain that reflects an immediate change in our values. Social influence at such a basic level may contribute to the rapid learning and spread of values throughout a population. These values could range from the quality of food to race and gender stereotypes.”

How the Opinion of Others Affects Our Valuation of Objects – PMC (nih.gov)

Negativity Breeds Bad Results for the Introvert

This goes far beyond Herd Mentality (or The Law of Social Proofing). We’re talking about when a negative attitude or idea can literally reshape your future.

Some of this negative energy is couched in what is subjectively seen as positive reinforcement and often comes from our closest family and friends. In fact, these close relations often have the most impact on our own mental state and can—without knowing it—create life-altering crossroads at which we make decisions not with our own best interests at heart but with the advice of those other top of mind. (Want to read more about how friends and family teach you to fail?)

Indeed, sometimes the opinion of others about us affects us via proxy. The Extrovert Bias that Susan Cain writes about at length in her book Quiet:  The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking is essentially culturally-adopted stigmatism of introversion as a personality type and introverted people as members of society.

This stigma is founded on the belief that an introvert is somehow less important or valuable to society than an extrovert. This belief is erroneous. Objective studies have found that introverts perform just as well (or often better) than extroverts in important leadership roles. This, it is believed, stems from the fact that an introvert’s ego isn’t as big as that of an extrovert. Essentially, the quiet folks are pleased when we get results rather than when we get pats on the back.

Unfortunately, because this bias is so widespread, it impacts your life as an introvert at many levels.

  • It changes the dynamics of your relationships
  • It minimizes your chances of being promoted at work
  • It skews your pool of potential romantic partners
  • It makes you work harder to see the same sort of success
  • It equates to roughly $500,000 less in your pocket over the course of your lifetime

(Curious about how your introversion has affected your life? Many of the ways in which it has will shock you.)

But, if you are an introvert and you’re fighting this uphill battle just to be accepted as equal to an extrovert, what can you do to get any traction?

Three Ways to Crush the Stigma that Every Introvert is a Second-Class Citizen

Number one: Stop being shy

Not all introverts are shy. However, a good many of them are. And even if you aren’t chances are people will describe you that way. Why? Because your natural introverted personality traits like rejoicing in solitude, cherishing quiet moments, speaking only when you have something important to say, and either refusing to engage in confrontation of refusing to let that confrontation visibly raise your perceived emotional distress level makes you seem shy to everyone else.

Number Two:  Learn how to communicate better

Communication is a two-way street. Unfortunately, introverts and extroverts communicate differently. Extroverts tend to spout half-formed ideas from their mouths, looking for input to complete them. Introverts tend to wait until they’ve made a decision or formed a complete thought before speaking. Extroverts have a much harder time listening and digesting what anyone else has said. Introverts tend to be very analytical and do well at perceiving and remembering facts but often miss emotional clues to the meaning behind the words.

The easiest way to break free from this social stigma and be successful at work and happier in your personal life is to learn to communicate better. My book, An Introvert’s Guide to Wealth, has an entire section about communication skills including:

  • Active listening techniques
  • Tactical conversation tools you can use to guide communication
  • Non-verbal techniques that help extroverts understand the words coming out of your mouth better
  • Tips about perception that will help you understand how different types of people communicate and how you can shift your style to meet everyone’s needs

And there’s so much more.

Number Three:  Have faith in yourself

Like, unreasonable amounts of faith. Not to get too weird on you, but there may be evidence out there that the metaphysical realm can actually influence your life in very real ways (spotting synchronicity, and understanding the strange ways in which your mind actually creates its own subjective reality through perception).

When you understand that your thoughts may have very real and measurable effects on the outside world, then it’s not too far of a stretch to think that positivity begets positive results. Learning how to chase those negative thoughts away and replace them with faith that’s founded in understanding your own strengths and the power of the skills you possess can have amazing results!

Take Your Future In Your Hands

Your life won’t change unless you change it.

But change can be scary.

I created AnIntrovertsGuidetoaWealthyLife.com and wrote An Introvert’s Guide to Wealth to help you overcome those fears, take those steps to reshape yourself, your life, and your career in ways you previously would have thought impossible.

I did these things because I changed my life in very real ways—going from super-shy introvert to successful retail leader, doubling my salary in just three short years, earning promotion after promotion, accolade after accolade . . .

And I did it all without throwing away my introversion or forcing myself to fake being an extrovert. Instead, I embraced the very same (very quirky) traits that had set me apart from family, friends, and my peers all my life. I flipped them around and used them as tools to get the results I wanted. I know you can too!

Let’s do this, together.

Start here.

An Introvert’s Guide to a Wealthy Life is now available in Kindle, Paperback, and Hardcover editions!

Video Trailer for An Introvert’s Guide to Wealthy

The video trailer for my new book (An Introvert’s Guide to Wealth) is now live on YouTube–just in time to celebrate the launch of the book in Kindle, Paperback, and Hardcover editions!

If you’ve ever wanted to hear what a formerly shy, seriously introverted author from Downeast Maine sounds like, now is your chance! (That’s my real voice–yikes!)

Look forward to more videos on that channel as time goes by–extended audio versions of blog posts, book excerpts, rants about introversion, maybe a little karaoke (not likely!)

The 4 Types of Introvert

How to Simplify the Myers-Briggs Personality Type chart of Identify Your Inner Introvert

You’ve heard do of the Myers-Briggs personality Type chart which uses personality traits like emotional connectedness, anxiety levels, and analytical behaviors to type people into one of 16 different categories (and people like us into one of 8 types of introvert). However, There’s a much simpler model I prefer that funnels the Myers-Briggs introvert personality types further, distilling them to their most basic elemental form. This chart denotes the four types of introvert that you’ll meet in everyday life.

The Social Introvert

The social introvert is the most gregarious of all introvert personality types. While they still shy away from large groups, they often engage deeply with a selected handful of very close friends and acquaintances. In contrast to the stereotypical introvert, they’re not shy at all and offer a quiet shoulder to cry on or a stable emotional rock for their extroverted friends.

The Thinking Introvert

The thinking introvert most often lives in their own head. These are the people that must analyze everything. They create in depth daydreams, fantasies, hypotheses, and then apply various mental tests to these creations to better understand the outside world. Many of the most famous introverted geniuses (like Einstein and Gandhi) fall into this category.

The Anxious Introvert

The anxious introvert is most-likely the personality type responsible for the stereotypical introvert you might see portrayed in movies and television. These are the super-shy folks with social anxiety that can reach crippling levels. They’re also often very self-aware of their bodies and overly critical about what other people might think about them. However, even people who deal with the struggles associated with this introvert personality type can carve out a very successful life for themselves if they understand how their own brain works.

The Restrained Introvert

The restrained introvert is typically closed off, doesn’t open up easily to strangers, and is reserved in their actions. However, once an outsider is allowed into a restrained introvert’s inner circle, they can very quickly and easily become that individual’s best friend and most-trusted ally. These folks create ride-or-die relationships that can last lifetimes.

But what makes someone an introvert? It’s not about being shy or preferring to be alone. Introversion is a syndrome caused by biological differences that appear before birth.

An Introvert’s Guide to a Wealthy Life is now available in Kindle, Paperback, and Hardcover editions!

Why Do Introvert People Think Too Much?

By Overthinking Introverts Can Often Isolate Themselves—Dwelling in Self-Doubt and Negative Self-Talk or Simply by Failing to Practice Timely Participation in Conversations

Do a quick Google search:  what is an introvert? You’ll find more smoke and hokum than you ever thought possible. People’s opinions of us range from “shy” and “quiet” through “thoughtful” to “intellectual” or even “cerebral,” These are all introvert personality traits that are—rightly or wrongly—applied to all of us across the board simply because people just don’t understand what an introvert really is.

Introversion isn’t a lifestyle we’ve chosen for ourselves.

Introversion isn’t a trendy buzzword we apply because we spotted it in a hashtag on Instagram.

Introversion isn’t shyness or a preference to be alone.

Introversion is a real biological difference that can be measured at very basic levels that run far deeper than the psychological differences that pop up.

However, one statement about introverts you’ll find floating around on the Internet is true:  we overthink things all the time.

Proponents of introversion—mostly those of us (like Susan Cain) who have used our introvert powers for good and have carved out a bit of the collective human attention for themselves—they call that being “analytical.” I don’t know about you but sometimes when my mind is on overdrive it feels like a hamster spinning on a squeaky wheel.

This happens most often at night. When I’m trying to sleep. Because I have something important to do the next day.

Continue reading “Why Do Introvert People Think Too Much?”

How to Deal With Difficult People

How Your Analytical Brain Can Help You Cope With Poisonous Influences

People. They can be your most influential cheerleaders or they can be the biggest roadblock in your path to finding true wealth, achieving a sort of happiness, and living the life you deserve. Unfortunately, if you’ve chosen to take life by the horns and really go for it, you’re going to have to learn how to interact, manage, navigate around, and ignore people.

I’ve always had a good instinct for people—I can read them in minutes and pinpoint what kind of person they are shortly after meeting them. Are they friendly, eager, productive, lazy, positive, a downer? My instincts are rarely wrong and people don’t often change of their own accord. Unfortunately, as easy as it is for me to near-instantly figure out if I’m going to like a person or not, I never had the skillset to effectively manage my relationship with any of those folks.

In my personal life problem people repeatedly got in my face, annoyed me, or hung around when I didn’t want them to. I found myself in hundreds of uncomfortable situations and conversation from which I didn’t know how to extricate myself. In my professional life, those problem people were often in positions over me and through ignorance, malice, or just bald indifference made my life difficult.

My first response was simply to clam up and wait for the interaction to pass. When that failed or when I didn’t feel I had the mental resources to even manage indifferent silence, avoidance was my tool of choice. Stay home. Call out sick. Beg off.

But you’re not going to get far in life by avoiding every uncomfortable interaction. Fortunately, I found an amazing resource that gave me the power to identify personality types and tactics I now use regularly to deal directly with each of those problem individuals in my life.

Continue reading “How to Deal With Difficult People”